Stopping is a Simple Grace

This guest blog comes from motivational speaker, success coach and friend Walt Hampton  He is author of Journeys on the Edge: Living a Life That Matters (Aloha 2011). Visit his website at www.walthampton.com

Imagine peace. - Yoko Ono

I arrived in pretty rough shape.

I had committed to coming every three months.

It had been nearly ten since I had been back.

In the intervening time, I had run 1000 training miles and two ultra-marathons; I had launched a new book and traveled around the country on a speaking tour; I had ramped up my professional coaching practice; managed my law firm; climbed on the highest mountain in the Western Hemisphere; developed and launched a new product; and begun an intensive training program to hone and sharpen my coaching skills.

I was spanked. And not in a good way.

Yes, the guy who talks the game of groundedness was wrung out. Again.

They say we teach what we most need to know. So forgive me if I teach this one once again.

Regardless of whether we are introverts or extroverts, regardless of our religious or spiritual traditions, regardless of our roles, our professions, our commitments: every now and then we need to stop. Really stop. Completely stop.

Most of us have lives that are pretty crazy. And although busy has become a badge of honor, nearly 50% of us report feeling completely burned out at the end of every week.

We live for weekends and holidays. Thirsting for some down time.  But we’re addicted to our smartphones, tied to our computers, inundated with voicemails, deluged with emails; obsessed with status updates.

We are torn in a dozen different directions by the demands and expectations of our businesses and our professions often at the expense of our personal and family lives.

“Vacations,” when we take them, are often thinly veiled excuses for going back to work to “rest.”

We become like hamsters on a wheel that cannot stop.

We need to stop

- To renew our spirits
- To refresh our souls
- To listen to our hearts
- To hear the Still Small Voice that calls us to what truly matters
- To connect again with the ground, and the Ground of All Being.

We cannot be fully present to others if we do not nurture and care for ourselves. We cannot share our gifts with the world when we are fried. 

I go to Weston Priory nestled on a hill in the Green Mountains of Vermont with a centuries-old Benedictine tradition of hospitality and refuge. I go there to feel the ancient rhythms. I go there to soak in the silence, the stillness, the peace.  I go there to read and to write and reflect. I go there to walk the quiet roads, to sit in the Stone Chapel, to watch the afternoon light play on the hillsides, and to gaze at the stars in the inky blackness of the nights.

You don’t need to go to a monastery though. You can walk on a beach, hike in the mountains, sit by a brook, lay in a field.  You can nail plywood to your windows, pull your computer cord out of the wall, turn off your phone and sit on your sofa.

The point is to STOP.  Get quiet. Be still.

What my coaching clients seem to cry out for most is time management. Time, of course, can’t be managed. Time just is. We must manage ourselves. We are the only ones who can stop the wheel and step off.

Or you can crash and burn.

Stopping is a simple grace we give ourselves. We get to choose.

The problem with killing two birds with one stone

Need permission to waste some time today? You'll get it right here. I'm pleased to have writer Ann Hampton in the blog spotlight! Enjoy her work and feel free to view her blog.

My mother used to complain whenever I trotted up to my bedroom without taking the items she’d left for me on the stairs.  She’d complain again if I came back down without bringing the trash can she’d asked for, or the jacket I needed for school. Two trips were a waste.  Why not combine tasks to minimize the effort?  Inefficiency, in her mind,was a sin on par with smearing chocolate sauce on the new white couch, or punching the family dog.

So, I grew up believing that a well-lived life, the kind my mother would approve of, hinged on my ability to kill multiple birds with one stone.

I think about my arch nemisis–efficiency– a lot when I’m on a mountain.  Day in and day out, carrying one load up to a higher camp, going back down for another.  Breaking camp in the morning, setting it back up all over again at night.  Going up an unpleasantly steep slope, only to discover that we’re on the wrong route and we need go back down and  find another. The whole exercise seems wasteful.  A very poor use of time. A prime example of inadequate planning.

The problem with trying to be  efficient all the time is that it causes paralysis.  A simple action requires us to think about the other three or four things that could be done at the same time, which makes everything daunting,  Not good.  Especially for things like writing. It’s awfully hard to write a simple sentence when we’re considering all the jobs it should be accomplishing. And it’s awfully hard to feel like we’re worth the salt when we’ve tossed out two drafts already, and the third isn’t looking very good.  Do the job right the first time,  my mother always liked to say. ( I don’t suppose I need to mention here that my mother never wrote.)

I love Richard Bausch.  He’s a writer I follow on Facebook who I think should publish his status updates.   He says:

Just keep going. Say it all out and let it be wrong if it’s going to be wrong for awhile–take the blind alleys and the wrong turns that seem promising and then seem to wilt as you get into the third paragraph of them. That’s utterly normal and healthy and good. Down one of those blind alleys is a door that opens on the technicolor world of the novel you were born to write–and it’s why I’ve always loved that moment in THE WIZARD OF OZ when Dorothy opens that door on Munchkin Land. Seriously. Get the film and look at that: that’s us writers coming to the opening door, the one that gives forth the world of the book in brightness and color and, DAMN, one isn’t in Kansas anymore!

Bausch is inspiring because he gives us writer folks permission to take off with an idea and see where it goes.  To improvise, even when it takes us down a dead end.  Because eventually, eventually, we find where we’re supposed to be.  We say what we’ve always wanted to say.  It’s ok with Richard, I would guess, if we forget our jacket in the bedroom and have to go back to get it.

And this concept isn’t just freeing for writers.  It means that all of us humans get to waste our time on crappy jobs and reaalllllyyyy bad relationships. And we get to change our majors twelve times in college and even drop out for a year to hitch-hike across Europe.  Because nothing is really a waste.  Our mistakes–the ones that seem to have soaked up our precious time–are  just necessary steps in a long line of steps that get us to where we’re  meant to be. Mistakes mean we are trying new things.  We need to embrace mistakes because we learn from them.

So here’s a concept.  Forget efficiency, nasty bastard that it is. Go out and waste some energy and time.  In the end, it will all come out right.

Feel free to contact Ann directly. Or add her on Facebook. She is available for one-on-one mentoring.
Ann Hampton
46 Gildersleeve Ave.
Collinsville, CT 06022
860-559-8051

 To see more of Ann's work please visit  http://annsheybani.com

Living Life with Purpose

Today two writer friends, Ann Hampton and Walt Hampton, reminded me how hard it is to write a book. Life is difficult, as M. Scott Peck claims in the first sentence of his bestseller. It's true. Sometimes life simply gets in the way of our "to do" list. Many people say they are going to do something and then don't. Or they tell you why they haven't gotten around to it.

I actually did write a book - several books. But I stopped "self-promoting" because I got sick of hearing myself talk. There is a fine line between narcissism and ego and self-promotion. I didn't want any part of it anymore. Writers like to write. Writers (at least this one) do not want to worry about branding and public relations and book promotion. Blah! Barf! But I was reminded today it is a necessary evil of what we do.

My Blogger friend said, "You can build it but they won't necessarily come" unless you tell them about it. Readers need to know your book it out there, she said. And she is right. This is the world we live in. Writing a book is hard. It takes courage to explore Truth. It takes time and passion and commitment. Many people say a lot of things. They are going to do this or that. They talk the talk rather than walk the walk.

Well, I wrote about a topic that lights a fire within me - living life with purpose. I was told that I should be screaming this from the mountain top. And that is true. I should. Instead, I am on to the next project and I hardly look back.

I saw this gorgeous paperweight in a gift store today. It says: "The purpose of life is a life of purpose." For me, living a life of purpose is being a writer and telling stories, telling truths. I've been in some aspect of the field of communication since 1992. That's two decades! It is what I love to do - communicate! It is what I love to think about, teach about, speak about, write about and live.

Simple Grace book series by Beth Jannery

It should be no surprise that my second book was titled Simple Grace - Living a Meaningful Life. This book is all about living a life with purpose. Here's a snapshot of the book cover. Click the link if you want to buy it.

Living life with purpose and meaning IS something I know well and I do well and I should shout it from the mountain top. Back in my twenties my first book was titled Shut the Hell Up! I didn't shrink then to make people comfortable and I shouldn't hide my successes today. Neither should you. If you've worked hard for something, let your light shine.

Today I'll claim it and own it and shout it out.

What are you holding onto that you dare to claim? What passion is within you? Is there a book you've always wanted to write? Or a career move you've always wanted to make? Or a love interest you've always wanted to pursue? What is holding you back?

My writer friends, Ann and Walt, are also high-altitude mountain climbers. They motivate me in so many ways. Today they reminded me to own what I've worked so hard for all these years.

Climb up that mountain, walk that walk, shout it out. Don't let anything hold you back. And if you have some accomplishment that you are shy about sharing with the world, don't be. You've earned your seat. You've done the work. Share it with the world, perhaps there is someone who can benefit from your expertise.

Here's a link to my most recent book Simple Grace Simple Miracles if you are in the buying mood. How's that for self-promotion?! :)